Entry tags:
Conversations With Myself
(MEREDITH, AGE 26 falls screaming out of the sky and lands in a heap at the feet of MEREDITH, AGE 17.)
M17: Dude. You okay?
M26: (picks herself up and dusts herself off) Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine. You're me--I mean, Meredith, right?
M17: Um, yeah.
M26: Good. Then I'm in the right place. Hi, I'm you, from the future.
M17: Uh ... huh. Is this like that story I wrote--
M26: The one with the girl who travels back in time two years and keeps having to deal with copies of herself? No. Not at all.
M17: Cool, you've heard of me! So does that book get published in the future?
M26: If it does, it hasn't by the time you're 26. But that's not why I'm here. I'm here because there are some things about yourself you need to know, and I'm hoping I can save you some pain and trouble. You're pretty miserable right now, aren't you?
M17: I don't know as I'd say miserable, but ... well, kinda lonely a lot of the time.
M26: Yup. Been there. It's your first year of college, all your friends from high school are elsewhere except for April Ellis and Scott McCrosky who are usually busy doing something else, and you spend most of your time hanging out with Paul Amici, who's besotted with April; Andy Becker and Don Large, both of whom follow you around like puppies and you don't know why; and Richard the Damned, see above. Am I right?
M17: Yeah, pretty much.
M26: I'm gonna clear some things up for you. What you haven't figured out yet is that they're all into you because you're a geek chick, and they just don't have the courage or self-assurance to step up to the plate and say something about it. So let me ask you a quick hypothetical question. What do you think you'd do if one of them did?
M17: Uhh ... I dunno. I mean, they're all really nice guys, and if one of them was interested, then I probably should--
M26: Okay, wait, stop right there. You have to understand that there is no should. Whatever they happen to feel about you, that's all them. You're not obligated to do a goddamn thing, understand?
M17: I don't think I'm obligated. But I like all the attention, and if I don't respond in kind...
M26: Then what? You think they wouldn't hang out with you any more? You think you'd lose all future chances if you don't jump at one in the present? Kiddo, I know you because I've been you. You remember what it was like to be thirteen and completely alone, and you're terrified of turning anyone or anything down because you don't ever want to feel like that again. Well, look, after nine years of this shit, I can tell you that it does get better. By the time you're me, you're not going to be angsting over whether anyone's interested in you -- you're going to be angsting over whether you turned that guy down gently enough because you genuinely want to be friends with him and nothing else.
M17: Don't other people hate that?
M26: Well, yeah, they do. But there's nothing you can do about it. You're responsible for your own feelings and that's all. It isn't your fault if you're going on minding your own business and some guy decides he wants to make you his business. Just be kind, be benevolent, and look after what you want.
M17: ... I don't know what I want.
M26: (sighs) Yeah. Yeah, that's the problem, innit. And I can't tell you that. You get to find it out on your own.
M17: Do you know?
M26: Maybe. (pause) Maybe not. (long pause) Oh, and one other thing. This whole business about living 45 minutes away from the guy you love and not having a car -- that shit's for amateurs. Just so you know.
M17: Uh ... huh. (another long pause) By the way, nice hair.
M26: Thanks. You're going to meet this really great stylist when you move to I--
(MEREDITH, AGE 26 is drawn screaming into the sky by unseen forces and disappears.)
M17: Move to I? I what? Iceland? Ireland? I wonder where she meant...
M17: Dude. You okay?
M26: (picks herself up and dusts herself off) Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine. You're me--I mean, Meredith, right?
M17: Um, yeah.
M26: Good. Then I'm in the right place. Hi, I'm you, from the future.
M17: Uh ... huh. Is this like that story I wrote--
M26: The one with the girl who travels back in time two years and keeps having to deal with copies of herself? No. Not at all.
M17: Cool, you've heard of me! So does that book get published in the future?
M26: If it does, it hasn't by the time you're 26. But that's not why I'm here. I'm here because there are some things about yourself you need to know, and I'm hoping I can save you some pain and trouble. You're pretty miserable right now, aren't you?
M17: I don't know as I'd say miserable, but ... well, kinda lonely a lot of the time.
M26: Yup. Been there. It's your first year of college, all your friends from high school are elsewhere except for April Ellis and Scott McCrosky who are usually busy doing something else, and you spend most of your time hanging out with Paul Amici, who's besotted with April; Andy Becker and Don Large, both of whom follow you around like puppies and you don't know why; and Richard the Damned, see above. Am I right?
M17: Yeah, pretty much.
M26: I'm gonna clear some things up for you. What you haven't figured out yet is that they're all into you because you're a geek chick, and they just don't have the courage or self-assurance to step up to the plate and say something about it. So let me ask you a quick hypothetical question. What do you think you'd do if one of them did?
M17: Uhh ... I dunno. I mean, they're all really nice guys, and if one of them was interested, then I probably should--
M26: Okay, wait, stop right there. You have to understand that there is no should. Whatever they happen to feel about you, that's all them. You're not obligated to do a goddamn thing, understand?
M17: I don't think I'm obligated. But I like all the attention, and if I don't respond in kind...
M26: Then what? You think they wouldn't hang out with you any more? You think you'd lose all future chances if you don't jump at one in the present? Kiddo, I know you because I've been you. You remember what it was like to be thirteen and completely alone, and you're terrified of turning anyone or anything down because you don't ever want to feel like that again. Well, look, after nine years of this shit, I can tell you that it does get better. By the time you're me, you're not going to be angsting over whether anyone's interested in you -- you're going to be angsting over whether you turned that guy down gently enough because you genuinely want to be friends with him and nothing else.
M17: Don't other people hate that?
M26: Well, yeah, they do. But there's nothing you can do about it. You're responsible for your own feelings and that's all. It isn't your fault if you're going on minding your own business and some guy decides he wants to make you his business. Just be kind, be benevolent, and look after what you want.
M17: ... I don't know what I want.
M26: (sighs) Yeah. Yeah, that's the problem, innit. And I can't tell you that. You get to find it out on your own.
M17: Do you know?
M26: Maybe. (pause) Maybe not. (long pause) Oh, and one other thing. This whole business about living 45 minutes away from the guy you love and not having a car -- that shit's for amateurs. Just so you know.
M17: Uh ... huh. (another long pause) By the way, nice hair.
M26: Thanks. You're going to meet this really great stylist when you move to I--
(MEREDITH, AGE 26 is drawn screaming into the sky by unseen forces and disappears.)
M17: Move to I? I what? Iceland? Ireland? I wonder where she meant...