Fragment of a nightmare

[maradydd]

I was somewhere in a hospital, sitting in a wheelchair, being pushed down a hallway by someone I could not see. Other patients in paper gowns sat huddled against the walls, some trying to sleep, some muttering to themselves. My head lolled to one side; I knew I did not want to be there, but despite the fact that my wrists and ankles were unrestrained, I was too groggy to stand up on my own. My vision blurred and reconverged every few seconds; when it was blurry, colours shifted like a photo negative and everything moved jerkily, as if lit from behind by a strobe light. "Another dose of E," said a voice somewhere above and behind me, and another voice replied "Mm-hmm," but I couldn't tell whether they were talking about me or someone else. I knew I hadn't taken any drugs, but I didn't think they were talking about MDMA. I knew they had given me something, but everything was too fuzzy for me to remember when, or how often, or whether they had even told me a name for it.

We turned down a side corridor with a hand-lettered sign over it reading "6 UP AND GAPPING DIMENSIONS". There were patients in the hallway here, too, but most of them were slumped over and unmoving. From behind the closed exam room doors I could hear muffled pleading, sobbing and screaming. As we passed alongside a set of glass doors leading out to a concrete balcony where two doctors stood smoking cigarettes, a blonde nurse ran out of an exam room and through the glass doors, fell to her knees just outside, and vomited.

Comments

[briaer.livejournal.com]

the part that stands out to me the most is you being pushed in a wheelchair. the first thing that struck me was to ask if lately you've felt like you aren't in control of your own actions, that someone is forcing you in directions and you can't stand up for yourself for one reason or another. you said you were unrestrained, so perhaps it's a decision you agreed to or made on your own. it doesn't even have to be a person forcing you one way, especially since you said you couldn't see who was pushing you, so it could just be a private choice you made which isn't going well now. things being blurry off and on could mean sometimes the reason for doing something becomes less obvious, but when your vision returns to normal then your reason for doing something is realized again. the voices... I'm not so sure about. I think they go along with the being pushed aspect, like people are making decisions that you don't have a say in. I don't know what the words on the sign mean, but being hand lettered says that it's not something permanent yet, nothing has been installed as a fixture expected to remain for a long time. the sign could change at any time, someone can cross something out and rewrite it. the people slumped over and not really moving might represent other peoples apathy. I'm starting to loose the zone right now so the part about people being apathetic I don't feel so sure about, and the rest of it I don't think I could translate, other than the doctors smoking sounds to represent disjointedness, you don't expect doctors to smoke, so they seem to represent something happening in your life that you would never expect to see, that doesn't make sense when you look at it.

I know you didn't ask for an interpretation, but I felt so strongly about some of those aspects that I had to say something. I love you MerMer, I'm sorry you had such a scary dream. I wish your subconscious could have come up with a better way to sort out things, but then I guess it succeeded in getting your attention. I hope you feel better about it soon.

[maradydd.livejournal.com]

I think the people in the second hallway were either unconscious or dead. Mostly dead, but it was hard to tell.

Your interpretation of the sign is interesting. I vaguely recall seeing other handwritten signs before going down that hallway, ones that said "1-3 DIMENSIONS" and "4-5 DIMENSIONS", so in the dream I read the sign as saying "6 or more dimensions, and gapping dimensions," but I have no idea what "dimensions" or "gapping" meant.

Thanks for your take on it, sport. I love you too.