Radio Free Meredith

First, go read spider88's post here. Watch the YouTube video about "purity balls", prom-like events wherein fathers pledge to defend their daughters' virginity until the girls marry, and girls slow-dance with their dads and trade rings with them.

"I think it's good for [fathers and daughters] to bond over something like [purity balls], because it gives them a deeper connexion." -- a girl in the YouTube video.

SQUICK. Note how she averts her eyes. Okay, maybe she's shy on camera, but the mannerisms of pretty much everyone in that video creep me the hell out.

You know what my dad and I bonded over? Carpentry. Fixing the car. Watching NOVA and MacGyver. Baking cookies. (My dad makes badass chocolate chip cookies, in industrial-size batches.) Going to the science museum and the zoo. Fishing and waterskiing. Occasionally the symphony, if my mom didn't feel like going. Hiking and mountain climbing. Road trips. (My mom hates to fly, so the minute I got my learner's permit, I was drafted as an extra driver for summer vacations, and Dad's tips from the passenger seat were much more helpful than any defensive driving class I've taken since.) Brisket and hot links at the Cajun BBQ place near his office, after I started college in Houston. Beer, once I was a bit older. These are normal, healthy things for dads and daughters to bond over.

Pretty much the only interest my dad took in my dating life was whether it was taking time away from my homework. (Ok, that and whether I was hogging the phone.) I'm sure he cared about me not getting pregnant or getting STDs, but I don't remember ever discussing it; I think he just assumed I had my priorities in order and would pay attention in health class and ask if I had any questions. He's been critical of some of the people I've been involved with -- he thought my ex-husband was a prick, and although he didn't come right out and say "Took you long enough!" when I divorced the guy, I bet he was thinking it -- but he respects that I have my own values and wants to see me happy on my terms, not his.

I'm 30 now, and I still think my dad is great. He calls me up when he has computer problems, and he's my go-to guy for auto repair and financial planning. Even when I was small, he treated me as a person with her own logical and problem-solving skills, not someone in need of his "authority and protection in the area of purity", and that's meant a lifetime of mutual respect. I have to wonder how these 15-year-old girls will feel when they're my age, though. Will some of them continue to defer to Daddy for the rest of their lives, never developing an adult relationship with their fathers? Will some of them end up resenting their fathers' controlling attitudes? What happens if a girl marries someone Daddy approves of (or even picks out for her), and he turns out to be an abusive jackass?

Children learn what they live. Kids who grow up modeling healthy adult relationships -- you know, the kind where each party respects the other's intelligence and right to an opinion, people don't have to agree all the time, and dispute resolution consists of discussion and compromise -- carry these skills on to their adult lives. Childhood is when people get to practice being adults, and I fear for anyone who gets brought up infantilised in any way. You wouldn't surgically remove your daughter's eyes to keep her from seeing things you thought were inappropriate; why perform psychic surgery on her decision-making skills? The effect is just as long-lasting.

But, hey, I lucked out. Thanks, Dad. I love you. In a non-squicky way.